What is beautiful?

A diaristic journey of portraits and self-portraits about the female experience in regards to body politics.

I grew up in front of the camera. I have spent the majority of my adult life reclaiming my presence in front of the camera. I am a former dancer and a non-binary person raised to be a heteronormative woman. I am exposed to ideal “beauty standards” imposed on women as well as an over saturation of idealized images on TV and social media. Often, I feel that my body does not meet these self-imposed, unrealistic expectations and turn to other women to gather their outlook on body politics.

When I make photographic self-portraits, I am rewriting the narrative status-quo. Instead of performing for a male gaze, I perform for my own gaze. I photograph myself from the back in different clothing/identities. With redactions of the face, the viewer is left wanting. In these self-portraits I, at times, opt to cover my face to create some distance from an identity study to a body liberation story. While these images are technically classified as self-portraits, they are performances about issues bigger than myself.

During a time when bodies are being heavily scrutinized and controlled, the idea of this project starts with my body and shows the bodies of other marginalized, fat women. I am enthralled with the relationship women have with their self image. In these images, I am coming to terms with my fat body as well as the internalized fallacy of the fat-phobic thinker that assumes fat people are fat because they overeat. 

I wish to challenge this fat phobic logic through visual investigations of different women’s presentations of their fleshy bodies. I use the models’ own intimate settings as an active decision to either reveal or conceal body rolls, cellulite, pimples, and anything stereotypically unappealing. Between myself and the model, these internalized feelings are made external once again. The images are usually set in homes, taking inspiration from the natural light found in these dwelling spaces. I experiment with multiple exposures, flash photography, projections, and long exposures to dramatically light and perform these abstracted portraits. Considering how women perform for their physical and virtual audiences serves as a medium to voice expressions of identity, femininity, and reactions to the current social-political climate.