stones to carry

Stones to carry is a confrontation with an emotional state. Always the same recurring feelings, always the same thought loops.

The desire to break out and yet somehow not being able to, no longer wanting to carry the burden, the excessive demands, the heaviness of everyday life, the same routines, the fear of getting stuck, of missing out on life. Too many feelings, emotions, ideas and desires.

This emotional state feels like having a heavy stone in my chest, sometimes not being able to breathe freely. This leads me to take many walks through nature. The stones I encounter along the way become a symbol of heaviness. I enter into a dialogue with them, a kind of act of personification. I question my old patterns and my emotions. It‘s about looking closely and getting moving.

It‘s a performance to step out of torpor, with the desire to change my perspective and to find more expansiveness, contentment and peace within myself again.

The performative elements, the experimentation and the self-portraits create a playful, free approach and the opportunity to soften the torpor. They are questions about my view of life and are about my goals and desires, about freedom and the longing to live life intensively.

I am writing a diary at this time:

In limbio, carrying. I know at some point it will get better, at some point i will free myself from my old patterns, more and more.

Belonging, hiding, holding, finding.

Do i have too high expectations? The way to live?

Blood, fighting, tears, fears.

Holding and holding, heavy, why am i still holding?

Big stones, big demands, all feels heavy.

Fear, to much to show, flow, glow, tomato. To much fear to fail. It`s frustraiting.

On these days when the world almost seems to stand still. That`s when i feel me more.