I Was Tired Before I Even Started

© Ekaterina Soloveva - I’m tired, so I’m trying to cover my face because it’s difficult, sometimes unbearable. My hand covers it like this. © Ekaterina Soloveva - Trying to fasten my underwear, unsuccessfully. © Ekaterina Soloveva - I’m trying to wash my hair. View all images ↓
View all images ↓
Report issue

As the subject, I set up the camera; as the subject, I stepped away from it, while the image was created by a body that does not fully coincide with my conscious self.

Both strokes came unexpectedly. Nothing hurt, not even my head. During the second stroke, my left arm and lips suddenly went numb. I tried to move my leg, but realized I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t. Then came the ambulance, the hospital. I was sure that once I slept, everything would return to normal. A few days later, I was back home. Unable to walk, with a non-functioning left arm, and with no medical care at all. A doctor only came to extend my sick leave. And I realized that I was exhausted as soon as I opened my eyes. And I realized that I wanted to live. Photography is a part of my life. But I could no longer hold a camera in my hands. And at that moment, I took a tripod in order to become both the object and the subject, the one who sees and the one who is seen.As the subject, I set up the camera; as the subject, I stepped away from it, while the image was created by a body that does not fully coincide with my conscious self. Photography became a way to see the part of me that acts without me, but is still me, and to see what my body did in my absence.

I would like to express my sincere gratitude to Docdocdoc for their support and assistance witj this project.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - I’m tired, so I’m trying to cover my face because it’s difficult, sometimes unbearable. My hand covers it like this.
i

I’m tired, so I’m trying to cover my face because it’s difficult, sometimes unbearable. My hand covers it like this.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - Trying to fasten my underwear, unsuccessfully.
i

Trying to fasten my underwear, unsuccessfully.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - I’m trying to wash my hair.
i

I’m trying to wash my hair.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - I’m learning to walk again. In fact, I’m glad I bought a cane.
i

I’m learning to walk again. In fact, I’m glad I bought a cane.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - I’m putting on a T-shirt as best I can. On average, it takes me 10 minutes to do something this simple.
i

I’m putting on a T-shirt as best I can. On average, it takes me 10 minutes to do something this simple.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - I often drop things. My hand is unpredictable; sometimes it simply knocks things over. And the milk spills onto my pills.
i

I often drop things. My hand is unpredictable; sometimes it simply knocks things over. And the milk spills onto my pills.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - Cutting my nails is very difficult. It takes half an hour.
i

Cutting my nails is very difficult. It takes half an hour.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - A hospital urinal. An object that helped me avoid wearing a diaper; for me, that meant remaining human.
i

A hospital urinal. An object that helped me avoid wearing a diaper; for me, that meant remaining human.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - I’m brushing my hair; my hand has trouble holding the brush.
i

I’m brushing my hair; my hand has trouble holding the brush.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - Image from the I Was Tired Before I Even Started photography project
i

My ECGs, taken by the ambulance crew when they came to answer a call. Almost every photograph caused my blood pressure to rise, but without taking photographs, I would fall into depression.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - I love looking at the sky at night. But I had no way to do it.
i

I love looking at the sky at night. But I had no way to do it.

© Ekaterina Soloveva - Me in the mirror.
i

Me in the mirror.

I Was Tired Before I Even Started by Ekaterina Soloveva

Prev Next Close